Saturday, October 8, 2011

AZU: The Little Engine That Couldn't

Once upon a time, there was a little engine called "Absolute Zero United." It was a small pitiful engine looking for a little attention any way they can get it.

One day, the driver this  engine, codenamed "Stitches 77," said, "I know how I can continue to hurt others and gain approval from the people. I'll find some other group to target. By focusing on others rather than our own faults, I can gain fame, acceptance, and even money."

It settled on people convicted of sex offenses because they are an easy target. Surely no one will take up for them, right?

That is what the Engine thought until it found the website of one who had the audacity to speak up about the wrongfulness of laws targeting people who have served their sentences and deserve an opportunity to be a productive member of the community. Here she is, a mother of four children, whose children were suffering the consequences of badly devised laws. The audacity. So the little engine said, "I think I can ruin her life. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..." So i began harassing this woman. It made fun of her. It threatened her. It published her address. It bragged about this crime on it's website day and night. It bragged about hurting her family. But then the woman fought back. She filed a federal lawsuit, and little engine became afraid. Oh shit!

Then a TV personality got wind of this story. "Just what I wanted," cried this little engine. "I'm going to be on TV! I think I can jump start my career with this publicity. I think I can, I think I can...." The engine was so happy, it drank and smoked crack to excess, so much so that when the engine got its time on TV, it was obviously wasted and make a complete ass of itself on national television. The little Engine looked even dumber.

The little Engine found more and more people willing to speak up. They were going to have a rally in Ohio! What to do, what to do! 'I know!" said the pathetic Engine. "I think I can bully these people into submission. I think I can, I think I can..." So this Engine found some biker wannabes and some other vigilantes to try to scare the rally attendants. But it didn't work. The little Engine and friends were outnumbered and confronted by the rally-goers. They went home defeated again.

So now these rally-goers started a growing movement to reach out to others being abused by people like this engine. Websites and groups sprung up all over the internet. The little Engine said, "They don't have a right to their opinions. I think I can scare them away from activism. I think I can, I think I can..." So it started harassing the bloggers. It created a fake Wiki site. It spread nasty lies. But their victims continued to fight back and grow stronger. Some even took the fight directly to them. The Engine began to lose steam. The engine became paranoid schizophrenic, accusing everyone from Patty Wetterling to Barack Obama to the Pope were all some massive conspiracy of "pedo sympathizers." It backfired. People slammed them in chatrooms, again and again and again and again.In desperation, they even added their sworn enemy to their ranks, which made them an even bigger laughing stock among their peers.

The little Engine slowly realized it was a failure at life. Slowly dissension and boredom caused many of the Engine's crew to lose interest in the Engine's trips to nowhere and the Engine grew rusty and stale from misuse. The Little Engine That Couldn't was eventually abandoned about a year ago, but every once in a while you can hear that old familiar ghostly toot of a past better left buried. THE END.

..... Every lame attempt Absolute Zero United has done for four long years has availed nothing. AZU has been dead, and nothing can bring it back to life. No one cares about you any more, Stitches 77. Most of your members moved on. You have no support from anyone. Even other vigilante groups shun you because you are a hindrance to them. You are a complete waste of humanity. Time to admit defeat and move on and fade away. You lose, Stitches. :)

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